I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
