i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
