He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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