I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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