he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
