So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
