He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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