i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
