Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize