I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
look no pants
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I stole a fireplace last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
