I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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