please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
