thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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