Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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