No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
