I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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