we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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