Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
