I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
