Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I supernannyed him into submission
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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