If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
