New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
