If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
