I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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