from now on my penis is your penis
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
