sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
