I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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