look no pants
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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