Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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