Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
