My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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