Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
