I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
