I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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