you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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