I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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