I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
