I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
