I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
