the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
