Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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