friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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