Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
