Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I touched a dick in church today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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