i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
