i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this will be a night to untag.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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