The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
