I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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