I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
