goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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