how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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