I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
