so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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