Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
