There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
