I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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