my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
