we made out on top of his cat.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
