just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
