guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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