I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Everyone says I win the strip club
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
