No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
