I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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