I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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