Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize