Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
