Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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