You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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