I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
