Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
