She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
