matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
