Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
