he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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