I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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