how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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