Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
