She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
