I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
