The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
