I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
