if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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