I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize