You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
