STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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