I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
