I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dignity is for republicans.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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