I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
