I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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