She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
