im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
